Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Shopping Together is Not a Good Idea

My husband and I cannot shop together. It always ends in tears and yelling, and that's just HIM. I finally got him to admit that he actually DOES like to shop. I do not. That is, to say, I don't like to walk around stores, endlessly, hemming and hawing, and weighing pros and cons, etc. I know what I want. I go in and get it. Scott likes to "think about it". He likes to peruse. He likes to compare. He likes to go to another store, see what they've got, then go BACK to the first store, before he can make up his mind.

Once, while he was shopping for suits, I almost hung myself with some silk ties I knotted together, but didn't, because I figured they'd make us pay for them. My friend, Robin, says that "Scott is a turtle, and you're a hare", and it's never more evident than when we're shopping.

In Costco once, we decided that we could each pick out one item for ourselves, as a little treat. We had a lot of shopping to do that day, and realized that we needed a second cart. Our son was still in a stroller, so Scott had put a few items on said stroller, and transferred those items to the second cart (or so I thought). We get done with this marathon shopping, and we're at the front of the store with two carts, and he announces that he is now ready to "look for his treat". What? You weren't looking as we were traversing the entire warehouse? I bit my tongue, and said, nicely "FINE. I'll be right here waiting, Darling".

Fifteen minutes pass. Then twenty minutes. I'm getting annoyed. I try to call him on his cell phone, but no answer. As I'm scanning the store, I see him, with the stroller, going up and down aisles, and it looks like he's looking for me. Why would he be looking for me? I was standing at the front of the store, with two carts. Where am I gonna go? PLUS, I've told him numerous times.......if we get separated in a store, head for the checkout. It's the equivalent of "hugging a tree", if you get lost in the woods.

Anyhoo, he's not coming, so I decide to go ahead and start checking out. I get completely through the checkout, and am standing, waiting....... and there he is! Hi Scott! Um, where have you been? He's annoyed, because I've already checked out, and he has his "treat",(that's yet to be paid for), oh, and by the way, he did NOT move all the items from the stroller to the cart, so there's quite a few items that have not been checked out. He gets all huffy with me, and rather dramatically, says "never mind" on his treat, and starts to exit the store. So, we have a stroller, and two carts, and we're seriously irritated at one another. We wrestle with everything all the way to the car, bickering the entire way, then I just start hurling items from the cart into the vehicle, which makes him madder, so he tells me to "just get into the car".

I get Sam into his car seat, and give him a sippy cup of juice, and we enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet (well, except for my murmuring and grumbling) until Scott gets into the car. We both start telling the other what they did wrong, and all of a sudden, Sam flings his sippy cup from the back seat, and it beans Scott right in the back of his head. Hard. (It was really loud!). He drops his head, and perhaps loses consciousness for a moment, then starts moaning. Well, God forgive me, I completely lost it, and could not stop laughing. With the noise it made, and Scott's reaction, I felt like I could literally see the stars swirling around his head.

It was a long, quiet ride home.

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